New Year, New Things

Where did the first month fo 2010 go? For me, it started with a week of the flu, which lead to my not being ready for classes to start the second week of January. I've been plahying catch up all month. I knew when I sat down at my computer that it had been awhile since my last post. I had to do a double-take when I saw that it's been over a month since I last wrote anything here. I don't make new year's resolutions, but I'm hoping to be more regular about writing in the coming year. Starting now, not on Jan. 1st, obviously...

So what's new? I had written last year about all the changes in my life, and that I felt that waiting to move forward with becoming a deacon was a call from God to stop and do some other work. Janurary has been the start of my living out this calling. I went back to full-time teaching and am leaving the administrative work that has been taking all my time and energy. The new person JJC hired to take over these tasks is wonderful, and also named Kristin! We're joking that we found the perfect person with the perfect name for the job. Now that the work is in someone else's capable hands, I am focusing on teaching. I had forgotten what I challenge it is for me to learn 85 new names and faces in just a matter of a week or two!

The wonderful part of this change is that my teaching life has expanded beyond my secular classrooms at JJC. I started leading Bible Study once a week at Trinity on Wednesday mornings. I wasn't sure how many people would come, but as I told Fr. Charlie, I'm making a committment to learn the Scriptures better, so if no one comes, it is time for me to sit and read and think about God's word. But we've been blessed to have a table-full of thoughtful, intelligent people for the first three weeks. We're reading and discussing the upcoming Sunday's readings, so we have time to think, pray and digest the lessons before hearing them again on Sunday morning. And Fr. Charlie gets time with us to hear our thoughts and start thinking about his sermon. It's been great with wonderful questions, great talks, and a sense of fellowship with our learning. I am very hopeful that the meetings will continue to be fruitful for many weeks and months to come.

Another activity that I started is a quarterly book group. We met this weekend on Saturday to talk about William Young's The Shack. Again, I wasn't sure how many people would come, but the conference table was full. We had some critical comments about how humans have tried to capture God in a book or painting, and how these works always fall short, but that in striving to explain God, we get some new perspectives. We talked about the ways Young tried to explain the reasons why God acts, why we have to wait to gain complete understanding, and why we really, really don't want to be the judges of others. By the end of the hour-long discussion, everyone agreed that the group was a good idea, and to have our next book be Three Cups of Tea. Yeay for breathing life into new avenues of learning!

If I had any questions about whether I made the right decision in waiting to enter further into deaconal training, those were wiped away at the book group. As I was brewing coffee for the group, a friend and fellow parishoner came in to see if I needed any help. She's been coming to the Bible Study group, too, and I asked her how it was going for her. She said it was fine, and then came over and touched my arm. She looked me in the face, and said how grateful she is that I'm doing all that I am at Trinity to help people learn about the Bible and think about their spiritual lives, that these times of learning should be a part of our lives, and that they've been missing at our church for a long time. As I was driving home after the discussion, I heard her words again and I knew they weren't her words alone. Mack, the main character in The Shack, may have had God to talk to face-to-face, but I know God was talking to me through my friend. I'm doing what He wants me to do.

Now that I'm more on track with grading my papers at work, and finally regulated to my new schedule of early morning Bible study, I'll be checking in here more regularly. I met with my spiritual director, Carol, this past week, and she said that I shouldn't worry at all abnout the deaconhood. The diocese has a hold on all new canidates for the next year, so I can go about my calling at church without any thoughts about further calling. But I am also open and willing to do what God wants of me. We'll see where He leads...

Looking back on the year

I started 2009 praying about whether or not I should work toward being ordained as a deacon. Just after New Year's Day, my discernment committee met for the first time, and the journey was officially on its way. But, like any trip that starts out without a map, an itinerary and a plan, there was no way to know exactly where I'd go or where it would end. I started the year feeling pretty uncertain, but open to whatever lay ahead.


The year went by pretty fast. Just looking at the discernment process, we finished meeting in May, and the group felt that God was calling me to move forward, but that I also needed to keep praying, and keep working on some things. In May, I started meeting with a spiritual director. By July, I had taken all the tests I had to take and was waiting for further news. By the end of July, I was feeling something was not going right, and was praying for sight to see what God wanted me to do. By August, I had decided to stop and wait and not go forward with the meetings, tests and retreat. And by October, when I met with my friend Deacon Debbie Harrington, I had become so focused on my work in Trinity and at school, felt so at peace within myself, that when she asked me if I was having any regret about withdrawing from the process, I had to stop and think. No, there was absolutely no regret, just a feeling of abiding peace and happiness at the direction my life was headed.


I am looking forward to 2010. I have two new projects at Trinity that will start in January. One is a weekly Bible study group and another is a quarterly book group. Both will use my talents as a teacher, talents others have seen in me as my true calling from God. And Bible study will hep me fulfill one of the weak areas in my spiritual life-- having a good understanding of and familiarity with God's Word.


I've also made room in my life for more peace and less stress. For the past few years I've taken on more and more administrative tasks at my work and been teaching less. The admin. stuff is not where my heart lies, and while I'm good at it, it's stressful and not fulfilling. I'll go back to full-time teaching this spring while letting most of the admin. work slow to a trickle. By the summer, I plan to be a teacher alone, with minimal committee work. This also fills my heart, knowing I'll be connecting with my students even better and without the burdens of the other work on my back.

The past year has also been fulfilling with my family and friends. I grew closer to my sister as her wedding approached, and it was wonderful to see her and her husband so happy on their big day. I also reconnected with my dad this year, and continue to have a great relationship with my mom. All three of them were very supportive as I went through the discernment process. This journey also opened up new conversations between my husband, Paul, and I, and even with my other family members as I kept them updated on what was happening with my tests and meetings, and asking them for prayers and advice.


I've made wonderful new friends through Trinity this year, and been with new and old friends through good and bad times. I've prayed with friends who have lost close family members and continue to struggle with those losses. I've celebrated as old friends have safely returned from far places and dark places. I've reached out to newcomers who have become close friends, and let go of some people who were ready to move on. All of them have been blessings to me, and I pray that I've been a blessing to them.


A lot of people take stock this time of year, looking back at the events of the past, and looking forward into the dim light of the new year. This year I know I'll grow and change and have good and bad experiences. I'll make mistakes and learn from them. I'll help people and try not to hurt anyone, although that's probably bound to happen, too, no matter how hard I try. I might move forward with the ordination process, or I might find that my work in the church and world is just where I need to be. Every new year is a mystery. But what a wonderful mystery! I pray for all the best for all of you, and the understanding that no matter what happens, God is always with us all.