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Well, I’m through the “training wheels” stage with my discernment group, and we’re on our own next time. During our last meeting, we had sharing time, and we all told stories about a time we felt close to God. I told my happy story about finding my first Episcopal Church when I had graduated from college and had moved to a new town to get settled and start graduate school in the fall. God knew I’d be lonely all summer without Him, and since we’d been apart while I was an undergrad, the Holy Spirit saw to it that I got my butt back to church. This happened via my mom taking me to a church near my home for a look around before she left, and then the Holy Spirit getting me up early on Sunday morning after she and my sister had left. I went to the service that morning, and the rest is history.
One of the members of the group also brought a prayer shawl she had made for me, and everyone prayed over me and Fr. Charlie blessed the shawl. I’ve never had a prayer shawl, but my friend, I think I can call her that now, said to wear it when I needed a “hug” from God, when I need a quiet moment, when I feel prayerful or vulnerable. I love it, and I’ve been using it. I’ve needed hugs lately!
This brings me to my real thesis for this entry. I’ve been very overwhelmed this month due to over-scheduling myself. I do this often, even though I’ve been trying to stop. It’s hard to break a habit, but I say “yes” to too many things, and before I know it, my calendar is filled with too many responsibilities. This past week, I had a poet visiting my college on Tuesday, which meant picking him up in Chicago, getting him to my class, to a reading, and then back to Chicago. We had a wonderful time, but it was a busy day. Then, Wednesday, I had to finish planning a one-day conference I was running on Friday, and then go to another conference in Chicago that afternoon and evening. Thursday I was at that conference again, driving in and out of the city. Friday, I had to be to work at 7:30 to run the conference I had planned, and then I went back into Chicago for the conference I was attending. Saturday was another trip back in. Saturday night I had houseguests, who are friends and low-key and relaxing, but I wasn’t what I call “deflating.” Today has been my day to recuperate, but this week isn’t what I’d call a relaxing week. All that I said, “Yes,” to was fun, but exhausting and draining since it came one thing upon another.
I should note that I’ve missed evening of writing in my prayer journal because I’ve been too tired, that I haven’t read anything related to my spiritual life in weeks now because there are too many other demands on my time. I’ve gone all month without seeing my prayer group, and I won’t be able to until March at this point.
So here’s one of my lessons that I need to learn and quickly. These demands on my time for things that I want to do, and love to do, need to be prioritized, otherwise I’ll burn out and lose sight of what is really important in my life. I need time to be quiet and prayerful, time to reflect, time to be myself and not a mechanical wind-up toy that never gets to be still. One of the shepherds who was training my discernment committee said I need to put some favorite scripture passages to memory. Mine this month has been,” My peace I leave with you, my peace I give to you. Not as this world gives to you do I give to you,” from Jesus’ words to his disciples in John’s gospel. I may be able to go get a massage and take a sick day, but I need to have peace in my heart and soul or I won’t be lasting long spiritually or physically!
