Another lesson...

Well, I’m through the “training wheels” stage with my discernment group, and we’re on our own next time. During our last meeting, we had sharing time, and we all told stories about a time we felt close to God. I told my happy story about finding my first Episcopal Church when I had graduated from college and had moved to a new town to get settled and start graduate school in the fall. God knew I’d be lonely all summer without Him, and since we’d been apart while I was an undergrad, the Holy Spirit saw to it that I got my butt back to church. This happened via my mom taking me to a church near my home for a look around before she left, and then the Holy Spirit getting me up early on Sunday morning after she and my sister had left. I went to the service that morning, and the rest is history.

One of the members of the group also brought a prayer shawl she had made for me, and everyone prayed over me and Fr. Charlie blessed the shawl. I’ve never had a prayer shawl, but my friend, I think I can call her that now, said to wear it when I needed a “hug” from God, when I need a quiet moment, when I feel prayerful or vulnerable. I love it, and I’ve been using it. I’ve needed hugs lately!

This brings me to my real thesis for this entry. I’ve been very overwhelmed this month due to over-scheduling myself. I do this often, even though I’ve been trying to stop. It’s hard to break a habit, but I say “yes” to too many things, and before I know it, my calendar is filled with too many responsibilities. This past week, I had a poet visiting my college on Tuesday, which meant picking him up in Chicago, getting him to my class, to a reading, and then back to Chicago. We had a wonderful time, but it was a busy day. Then, Wednesday, I had to finish planning a one-day conference I was running on Friday, and then go to another conference in Chicago that afternoon and evening. Thursday I was at that conference again, driving in and out of the city. Friday, I had to be to work at 7:30 to run the conference I had planned, and then I went back into Chicago for the conference I was attending. Saturday was another trip back in. Saturday night I had houseguests, who are friends and low-key and relaxing, but I wasn’t what I call “deflating.” Today has been my day to recuperate, but this week isn’t what I’d call a relaxing week. All that I said, “Yes,” to was fun, but exhausting and draining since it came one thing upon another.

I should note that I’ve missed evening of writing in my prayer journal because I’ve been too tired, that I haven’t read anything related to my spiritual life in weeks now because there are too many other demands on my time. I’ve gone all month without seeing my prayer group, and I won’t be able to until March at this point.

So here’s one of my lessons that I need to learn and quickly. These demands on my time for things that I want to do, and love to do, need to be prioritized, otherwise I’ll burn out and lose sight of what is really important in my life. I need time to be quiet and prayerful, time to reflect, time to be myself and not a mechanical wind-up toy that never gets to be still. One of the shepherds who was training my discernment committee said I need to put some favorite scripture passages to memory. Mine this month has been,” My peace I leave with you, my peace I give to you. Not as this world gives to you do I give to you,” from Jesus’ words to his disciples in John’s gospel. I may be able to go get a massage and take a sick day, but I need to have peace in my heart and soul or I won’t be lasting long spiritually or physically!